Wisdom by the River: Life Lessons from Racing

In April 2024, I was invited to give a motivational speech about kayak racing at a women's happy hour event in Seattle at the Rough and Tumble Pub organized by Megan Kelly and Anastasia Alder. I was invited to do this partially because of the blog I wrote in 2021 titled “Motivations for competing in Whitewater Kayaking”, and because I was currently coaching one of the organizers on an online race team with my husband, Leif.

 I was honored and excited to be invited and speak of my journey because  (in the words of a mentor of mine, Abby McHale) I truly believe that “we must foster reverence for the courage of uninhibited expression in one another because when we show ourselves to one another, we realize we are not alone and that our experience is simply the experience of woman. And when a woman is in her power, fostering her sisterhood, it makes all woman feel safe.” 

The following speech is an uninhibited expression of the wisdoms I have learned from my experience kayak racing and how I have grown as a person. May they inspire and help others, especially others in their own journeys.  

Although this speech was originally intended for an audience of women, I do believe that it is relatable and applicable to all genders and that when we of all genders are able to foster reverence for uninhibited expression of our true selves, we will live in a safer more meaningful world. Enjoy.

Speech Transcript:

My biggest learning opportunities for growth as a human have occurred when I have placed myself in difficult situations outside of my comfort zone and I have worked hard to make those arenas become more familiar, more comfortable. In this process, I have gained skills to inhabit the uncomfortable spaces without being so stressed and thus as I have grown older, I have increased my ability to handle more, gracefully and calmly.  

I have found racing to be an incredible learning tool precisely because it puts me in a challenging and stressful environment outside of my comfort zone without increasing the risk posed from the whitewater itself. Trying to paddle the fastest I can, places me at my ability limit where the greatest skill development can occur. No matter how good I am, I can always work to become faster and more efficient even on the easiest runs.

I have learned that in my past, a lot of my anxiety around racing has stemmed from a deep fear of disappointing others. I had a strong desire to be accepted and so my performance was tied up into concepts of self-worth in relation to others. This came out in how I couldn’t seem to avoid comparing myself to others -- all the time!. Once I released myself from the need to be accepted by others and took ownership for my own performance, I was able to more singularly focus on the process of learning. I started having a lot of fun paying attention to nuance and practice and I quickly got lot better, results followed and I was better able to celebrate and cheer on my fellow competitors. Acceptance came from recognition of others and my own effort, not from any sort of results.

Competition can be emotionally difficult, and in my past, was downright painful at times. But, I have learned that competition is also a gift, because the environment of competition is a stage on which all my inner demons and insecurities prance about under full lights. Through competition I have been able to fully experience my internal saboteurs of impossibility thinking and negative self-talk that play out in all areas of my life,  which limit me from reaching my potential over and over and over again. Over time, through observation, and by fostering a curious and open mind, I have been able to improve my mental resilience and have now got to the point where I can (most of the time) simply enjoy the process of racing no matter the result or who is there. 

So I want to pass on to you with a few life lessons I have learned from racing. May they help you in your own journey.

Expect that it is possible, not that you will.

It is important that you can see the possibility of success and that you have the potential to meet the challenge, but not that you will. This makes you more open to failure, because even when you fail, you know that it is possible to also succeed. This gives you the motivation to keep trying, keep working, keep learning. The failures then become learning opportunities gifted to you by the world. 

You get what you give. 

Focus on what you have to give to the effort, rather than the difficulty of the challenge. The more effort you give, the more you will receive. When you are able to fully commit yourself to a challenge, you release your mind from doubt and this enables your body to perform.  In the words of Arno Illgner in the Book A Rock Warriors Way, “Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.” When you recognize that you get what you give, poor results are easily identified as not a failing of you as a person, but a failing of your commitment to preparation, which can be easily accepted and rectified in the future, if desired.

Ditch responsibility avoidant self-talk, such as excuses, denial, judgement, pretending and justification- It limits your power as an individual and when you do use it- it is a sign that there is  a mental inefficiency you need to work out. We lie to ourselves and engage in impossibilty thinking to shrink our worlds to make it feel safer, but we cannot act effectively upon a lie. There is no true learning to be had, only avoidance of the biggest opportunities for gain. 

Ditch achievement orientations. 

Race not for an outcome, but because you enjoy the process of learning and getting better and interacting with others. Pay attention to your inner dialogue, if you are berating yourself or frustrated, this is a sure sign that you have not ditched achievement orientations. Frustration is a sign that you are expecting the challenge to come down to your level and is out of alignment with your goals. Are you wanting a quick win to boost your confidence or are you wanting a challenging learning experience? When you expect to be challenged and learn, it is hard to be frustrated because when you start failing you see it as a good sign that you are being challenged. This can be met with open curiosity about how to improve, and to overcome the challenge.

Many women sometimes feel pressured to participate in racing as a woman to ‘advance the cause’ by increasing the number of women racers. I would like to point out that this is an achievement orientation, and I’d say ditch it. Racing to achieve an outcome goal of ‘number of women racers’ is counterproductive. Participating in a race solely to be supportive of other women is not a mindset that is supportive of you as an individual or women in general because it focuses on what others are expecting or wanting from you and fosters feelings of obligation. When action is motivated by a sense of obligation rather than internal desire, resentment and disappointment are sure to follow.  Race because you enjoy having a fun time interacting, supporting, and feeling supported by other women, not because you feel obligated to be there for ‘others’ or for a ‘cause’ or movement.

The best way to support other women is by overcoming your own internal saboteurs and fully show up for yourself, in whatever way that is. I see competition with each other as a collaboration, an opportunity to fully share ourselves, do our best, and in doing so inspire and better ourselves, in community. 

This blog was cross-posted on the Kokatat team blog.